Crosswords? I never liked crosswords, never.
They’’re nasty, annoying, fact.
They’re like a word search but with lots of black squares, total loser squares, nothing ever gets written in them, there's nothing in them, zilch, nothing.
Listen! I have nothing against black squares, I have many, many, black squares in many of my fine buildings. I’m telling you, black squares are getting a raw deal and when I'm elected and you know what, I heard from some good people that the Chinese make better crosswords, and by the way, I'm telling you, I love the Chinese. I don’t like black squares, they're a pollution and you know what? I've done billions and billions of crosswords, just ask my people. I totally love black squares, fact!
Oh please, don't do that to me! I now have the image of Herr Trump in
dreadlocks burnt into my brain.
Still, It's amusing to think of Johnny dragging him to one of his eco-festivals.
In response to Kittycanuck
Eco Festivals Kitty? May I call you Kitty? Let me tell you these no good lazy hippy types with their "going nowhere" solar power, and I've seen the statistics, I've had good people looking into this, and these are good people, they tell me that global warming is just wrong, we go round the sun,Fact!, its hot! ask the mexicans, the good Mexicans, the ones who are looking after the sunflower, the good ones, not the lazy, good for nothing moaning eco-hippies eating Peyote and growing so-called Dreadlocks, poor replica of hair, not good hair, and let me tell you my hair has not been culturaly misappropriated, my hair is good hair and its the colour of the sun. I love the sun, Fact!
Okay, okay, I get it!
We go round the sun and the sun shines out your a$$!
Have a brownie - one of the "special" ones.
OMG I can't stop laughing!!!!
In response to TournesolQuiDanse
don't worry Flower you laugh as much as you want! Go on, laugh your head off, because you know what? My people will make you a new head, a big head, like mine, and you know whose gonna pay for it? The Musquitos, thats who! We will get rid of all the musquitos Fact! we don't want their tiny heads, we want Great heads! I love great head, fact. And let me tell you something, I've heard that sunflowers need global warming, even though it doesn't exist, my people tell me, I don't have the figures to to hand right now, but hey, somebody does.Fact
1. Come near our border and one of our highly trained moose will kick
your wrinkly ginger a$$ all the way to Mexico, eh.
2. Mess with us and we'll cut off the water - you know water flows down,
right? And you're below us,for sure.
3. Say goodbye to your supply of BC Bud and hockey players and Smarties.
4. Canada's in the Hockey World Cup final. How's the USA doin'?
5. Yankees suck. Blue Jays rule!
6. We've burnt the White House down once; we can do it again.
In response to Kittycanuck
many people, good people, have told me as I travel round this country, good hard working people, of all races, that i should stick my policies where the sun don't shine! well let me tell you Kitty I ain't sticking them in Canada, don't get me wrong, I love Canada, fact. I love the people, good people, and bless them for trying so hard to speak our language, that's why we don't need a wall on our northern border. But if you're correct? and my people can confirm that the sun actually shines from my Trump hole, I will move closer to the border and bend over so you can all dry out your snow shoes or whatever it is that you do?
In response to Warmist
To Warmist from the Sports Desk of the Trumpton Post
Hair and Loathing on the Campaign Trail
“as you know, I’ve solved billions, billions and billions, literally billions of so called Quick Crosswords ..Fact! and let me tell you my people call me King of the Quickie.. Fact! And you know what? I never, every paid any so called Easy Peasy Tax and you know why? Because I’m smart! Fact! As I said to Secretary (good woman’s job,) Clitnon in our recent showdown.
Something else I don’t like, Pedants! Never have done, Fact! Too many of them, doing nothing, going nowhere, we need to something about them, take them out! Boom! Gone! Finished!
First day at The Trump Oval office I’m gonna get my people to compile the best crossword ever, with no foreign words or anagrams, I hate anagrams, always have, what are they hiding? Nasty, just nasty with their letters all over the place. Let me tell you what we’re gonna do, we’re gonna keep them out, Fact! We will build a FireWall, the best FireWall ever built, my people are working on it. And let me tell you who will pay!...the Anagramians! That’s who! We’re gonna send them back to Anagramia until we figure what is going on? I’m telling you, they’re hiding something?
and another thing! I read somewhere that the Quickie has a Tax Collector? My people tell me that she is based in Edin-berg, True! Can you believe this? Let me tell you, my ancestors came from the Isle of John Lewis, good people, hard working people and they never paid any so called taxes. I love Scottishland, Fact! Scotch people? Love ‘em always have, good people, invented Golf, Fact! I read it somewhere, and you know what Golf is only one letter away from Gold, I love Gold, always have, and Golf gave us some good words, strong words like Iron and Rough and Wood...Bunker! There’s a good word! Bunker, love bunkers, always have!
Ps Warmist my people tell me that they read somewhere that you are interested in moss? I love moss, always have, I have cultivated a Top Secret orange variety of sphagnum that, when elected, I shall reveal to the world. Until then my people tell me I should keep it under my hat, I love moss, fact!
Marmite? Love it! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
You heard it here folks, the Donald loves Marmite.
Some people don’t know about this?
Ask my people!
The Donald LOVES Marmite.
Now I know in recent days some of the marmite haters, we know who you are!, have been circulating an old tape where it is claimed, you heard right folks “claimed", that I said some bad things about how I couldn’t resist helping myself whenever I saw a fresh unopened Marmite, how I just reached right in there and grabbed that firm round jar and stuck my tongue in there for that yeasty umami
Let me tell you, that was just larder talk, it means nothing nix zero.
In a Trump White House I’m gonna make sure everyone can grab some wherever they can. My people tell me, I aint seen the figures, but my people say that folk have been following the Trump example over in Blighty and some supermarkets have had their shelves stripped of those pungent little beauties. Let me tell you something when I’m elected we’re gonna put pressure on the UN to Lever those jars back on the shelves. Oh! What? They did already? Fine business as usual.
I don't give a fig for Chump - no doubt he thinks Marmite is tremendous - but you give me a chance to relate a real issue outside of the ChumpyPhate ...
Yesterday MrsMJ bought a diddly jar of the sacred gunge from the PoundShop. A jar so diddly it hung like a teardrop beneath its diddly lid. 70g of heavenly hell. Now, before the Marmy War kicked off, I had the previous day had delivered a 250g jar at a cost of £2.35. So ...
PoundShop Marmy: 1.43 p/g
Tescos Marmy: 0.94 p/g
In response to MonkeyJammas
I've had my people, good people, look into this and I can tell you there is no Poundland in our atlas No sir..and if any of those Poundians come over here with their nasty measurements we will send them back until we can figure what is going on? My Yoorpean adviser Lord Nigel advises me that Marmite is some sort of Old World, and by Old World I mean France, cooking pot, I'm sure there are good cooking pots but their measures are just wrong Fact