Footie-Recalcitrants' Match
11a and 20a
Dear Friends, I hope I'm not risking everything today with this cheeky post. I have been sitting on it for days, wondering. It was on reading the various comments from Asland, William, Seamus, and others debating the merits or otherwise of footie and other sports, that the Monty Python Philosophers football match sketch came to mind, and just for my own fun, I wrote this spoof about a match involving our posters. I hope you will realize this is done with affection and I wouldn't want to offend anyone.
Footie-Recalcitrants' Match.
A group of malcontents and anti-sports nudniks have been hand picked from the comments section and transported here to play a friendly, especially Quick footie match in the hope they will conquer their fear of and resistance to the beautiful game.
Here is the Report : -
Team Manageress, Milady Asland.
They tried to get Nipper McG for team mascot, but the shrewd Nipper was having none of it.
William has enlisted his friends, Castor and Bollux, as full-backs to help move the game forward.
The match is opened by our guest VIP, Ms Sarina Wiegman, who is something to do with football, we think.
We're off, as soon as someone realizes a whistle has been blown. William is running in the wrong direction. Oh no he's back the other way - it's really not clear if he knows (or cares) which side he’s on. Oooh! the crowd murmers in surprised admiration - he’s given that ball quite a back spin (oh, that's cricket - never mind, it's all the same to the Recalcitrants).
It is all driving Miss Daisy mad, and she is being extra recalcitrant by refusing to join in at all, and hunkers down with a good book while mayhem reigns.
Castor and Bollux, joined at the hip, are never apart. But Bollux has his moment of fame, which earns him Man of the Match award. He makes the bestest attempt at scoring a goal, due to dexterous ball footling skills (I could elaborate, but it could get dangerously close to turning into 'Carry on Bolluxing').
And here comes susanhenna from the rear with a superb balletic kick, and pirouettes away from the fray. Anything to avoid injury. But she falls prey to a skirmish with an unstable dribbler, and the Ref appears. The referee, keeping her identity top secret for her own safety, is called IDsomething. Susanhenna loses it with her. She fells her in one swoop with a serious uppercut. Oh that's boxing (never mind, it's all the same to the Recalcitrants). Ron covers his face in desperation in the stands.
And here comes Asland, brandishing a bottle of the best Australian Red, or is it Prosecco, or is it Italian Pinot Grigio? He waves it challengingly in the face of the other team's goalie in an effort to distract them with sheer epicureanism. Milady cheers him on from the sidelines.
And he's back, nothing if not persistent, with a mostly unimpeded run for it, stops just short of goal, sinks to his knees and prays for help with that all important shot. While he is thus occupied, another recalcitrant grabs the opportunity to take the shot, and misses. No one can be bothered to boo, or cheer. Most onlookers have their phones out to check on the latest crossword comments, or are busy Wordling, Quordling, Octordling, Phraseling and all the rest.
Meanwhile, Bermuda is playing yer football bob at the back of the stand, in a valiant effort to amuse the crowds.
And now Asland is attempting to bribe the Ref with the bottle of vino.
Woah! A stray LOLWAL has invaded the pitch. She streaks across as fast as the fastest dribbler, waving a banner, 'Support Seamus. Down with Recalcitrants!' She is escorted off the field by two armed plumbers.
TBH debates with himself and anyone else he can get to listen, on the merits of the teams' tactics. He goes round in little circles on the pitch, entranced by his own didactic, though he is actually meant to be on defence. He amuses himself most of anyone on the pitch - the rest are too stressed by the pressure of playing a team game.
Susanhenna is injured - she was daydreaming about her old failing, kerbcrawling, and was easily downed by a clumsy Recalcitrant galumphing past. Rabbi G rushes on to the pitch with a bag of soothing proverbs. And never one to lose an opportunity, he decides to give a sermon to the crowd. After he's exceeded five minutes of extra time delivering this address, he is escorted off the pitch by several fuming atheists, and, pitched into a nearby cell where he finds a captive audience in the disgraced lolwal.
Due to the lack of goals, both sides missing all penalties, and it being time for some refreshment, the match is declared Over.
William, Asland, and Milady sing a crowning Hymn of Glory, and a cup is presented to the most vociferous team by Father Seamus McPunny, who insists on bestowing a bear hug upon each Recalcitrant.
Castor and Bollux head back to their lakeside idyll. William returns by several trains to London. Daisy is driven home by her daughter. LBBG, who bravely volunteered as a reserve, but was never used, has many traffic obstacles on her arduous journey home, but hence a great tale for the crossword, particularly as strange things have been going on around the garden shed in her absence. Susanhenna feels rather tired after the excitement and can't wait to have a lie down. Nothing can stop Asland and Milady in their tracks and they head off to sing vociferously in the choir and cook a great reconstituted, or is it reconstructed, or refurbished, meal (but not before Asland has done a quick recce to compare notes on the game and see who is delighted at having completed, and who is not). TBH gets completely lost in his own thoughts, and his long suffering old lady considers sending out a search party. The rest all disperse in their various ways, and in their various directions, up, down and across the land, dreaming of tomorrow's bugbears, pettifoggery (thanks for that, SillyAunt) and spoilers.
And Seamus sets off for a glorious family summer in the Gers.
Dear Friends, I hope I'm not risking everything today with this cheeky post. I have been sitting on it for days, wondering. It was on reading the various comments from Asland, William, Seamus, and others debating the merits or otherwise of footie and other sports, that the Monty Python Philosophers football match sketch came to mind, and just for my own fun, I wrote this spoof about a match involving our posters. I hope you will realize this is done with affection and I wouldn't want to offend anyone.
Footie-Recalcitrants' Match.
A group of malcontents and anti-sports nudniks have been hand picked from the comments section and transported here to play a friendly, especially Quick footie match in the hope they will conquer their fear of and resistance to the beautiful game.
Here is the Report : -
Team Manageress, Milady Asland.
They tried to get Nipper McG for team mascot, but the shrewd Nipper was having none of it.
William has enlisted his friends, Castor and Bollux, as full-backs to help move the game forward.
The match is opened by our guest VIP, Ms Sarina Wiegman, who is something to do with football, we think.
We're off, as soon as someone realizes a whistle has been blown. William is running in the wrong direction. Oh no he's back the other way - it's really not clear if he knows (or cares) which side he’s on. Oooh! the crowd murmers in surprised admiration - he’s given that ball quite a back spin (oh, that's cricket - never mind, it's all the same to the Recalcitrants).
It is all driving Miss Daisy mad, and she is being extra recalcitrant by refusing to join in at all, and hunkers down with a good book while mayhem reigns.
Castor and Bollux, joined at the hip, are never apart. But Bollux has his moment of fame, which earns him Man of the Match award. He makes the bestest attempt at scoring a goal, due to dexterous ball footling skills (I could elaborate, but it could get dangerously close to turning into 'Carry on Bolluxing').
And here comes susanhenna from the rear with a superb balletic kick, and pirouettes away from the fray. Anything to avoid injury. But she falls prey to a skirmish with an unstable dribbler, and the Ref appears. The referee, keeping her identity top secret for her own safety, is called IDsomething. Susanhenna loses it with her. She fells her in one swoop with a serious uppercut. Oh that's boxing (never mind, it's all the same to the Recalcitrants). Ron covers his face in desperation in the stands.
And here comes Asland, brandishing a bottle of the best Australian Red, or is it Prosecco, or is it Italian Pinot Grigio? He waves it challengingly in the face of the other team's goalie in an effort to distract them with sheer epicureanism. Milady cheers him on from the sidelines.
And he's back, nothing if not persistent, with a mostly unimpeded run for it, stops just short of goal, sinks to his knees and prays for help with that all important shot. While he is thus occupied, another recalcitrant grabs the opportunity to take the shot, and misses. No one can be bothered to boo, or cheer. Most onlookers have their phones out to check on the latest crossword comments, or are busy Wordling, Quordling, Octordling, Phraseling and all the rest.
Meanwhile, Bermuda is playing yer football bob at the back of the stand, in a valiant effort to amuse the crowds.
And now Asland is attempting to bribe the Ref with the bottle of vino.
Woah! A stray LOLWAL has invaded the pitch. She streaks across as fast as the fastest dribbler, waving a banner, 'Support Seamus. Down with Recalcitrants!' She is escorted off the field by two armed plumbers.
TBH debates with himself and anyone else he can get to listen, on the merits of the teams' tactics. He goes round in little circles on the pitch, entranced by his own didactic, though he is actually meant to be on defence. He amuses himself most of anyone on the pitch - the rest are too stressed by the pressure of playing a team game.
Susanhenna is injured - she was daydreaming about her old failing, kerbcrawling, and was easily downed by a clumsy Recalcitrant galumphing past. Rabbi G rushes on to the pitch with a bag of soothing proverbs. And never one to lose an opportunity, he decides to give a sermon to the crowd. After he's exceeded five minutes of extra time delivering this address, he is escorted off the pitch by several fuming atheists, and, pitched into a nearby cell where he finds a captive audience in the disgraced lolwal.
Due to the lack of goals, both sides missing all penalties, and it being time for some refreshment, the match is declared Over.
William, Asland, and Milady sing a crowning Hymn of Glory, and a cup is presented to the most vociferous team by Father Seamus McPunny, who insists on bestowing a bear hug upon each Recalcitrant.
Castor and Bollux head back to their lakeside idyll. William returns by several trains to London. Daisy is driven home by her daughter. LBBG, who bravely volunteered as a reserve, but was never used, has many traffic obstacles on her arduous journey home, but hence a great tale for the crossword, particularly as strange things have been going on around the garden shed in her absence. Susanhenna feels rather tired after the excitement and can't wait to have a lie down. Nothing can stop Asland and Milady in their tracks and they head off to sing vociferously in the choir and cook a great reconstituted, or is it reconstructed, or refurbished, meal (but not before Asland has done a quick recce to compare notes on the game and see who is delighted at having completed, and who is not). TBH gets completely lost in his own thoughts, and his long suffering old lady considers sending out a search party. The rest all disperse in their various ways, and in their various directions, up, down and across the land, dreaming of tomorrow's bugbears, pettifoggery (thanks for that, SillyAunt) and spoilers.
And Seamus sets off for a glorious family summer in the Gers.